Faith

I believe there is nothing we cannot achieve if we truly have faith in them.

Faith. Not goals, targets, or whatever which tend to lead towards misinterpretation to something we “have” to achieve.

Even if I want to change the world, I believe I can.

Most of the time I get the cynical expressions. A lot. The question of why(s) arise.

Then I answer, why wouldn’t I?

If not now, when?

Now is always the perfect timing.

If not me, who would?

(now, “me” here, is not “me”—only. It refers to every human being)

Then, the hardest part comes.

Its when I get the question from myself: “Who do you think you are to have such thoughts? Such dreams? Such visions?”

Then I answer, shut the f*** up, who do you think you are?

I have a faith. Why should I worry?

And why, should I not feel grateful for what I have? For life?

Everyday should feel like a bliss. Not should, but everyday is a bliss.

I don’t care if this is self-proclaimed or whatever. I know I’m feeling better. I know I’m getting better. I am certain I am getting somewhere.

I am getting to know myself, a little more better. 

That’s what matters the most. 

Dear God (and Spirit),

I pray to keep my vision ever before me.

I ask you to bless my journey.

I ask your divine helpers to protect me along the way.

I ask my inner guides to lead me forward.

I pray to the soul that is within, without, and everywhere,

That I may know myself as holy, and as whole.

To give me clarity in mind and heart.

Release me from my confusion, which is born of the past.

Let me be renewed in your ways.

Let me hear the voice of silence.

Let me see what cannot be seen.

Let me feel your faintest touch.

Take this stiffness from my heart.

This is all I want or have ever wanted.

Make a secret pact with me.

Let someone in my life feel your touch, as I feel it myself.

I ask you to take your hand in mine.

I have seen this world through your eyes.

I have loved others as you would love them.

I have entered creation and played to my heart’s content.

Breathe in me, today, tomorrow, until my body dies.

Amen.

--Deepak Chopra’s--

Alice in Wonderland

Time is truly just a mind-trip. Fragment of imagination.

Do you dare to be in that trip?

We are the time. We create the clock, not the time.

Clock is calculable, manageable. Time does not.

I cannot feel the time, not because it flies, nor it cannot be bought.

It’s just something that feels so eternal I wouldn’t dare to think, nor feel.

Time doesn’t stop. Clock stops eventually.

To create anything, to change anything, just don’t think about the time.

Let the days, months, years, decades, speak for themselves.

Which world am I living exactly?

Feels like I’m living in an imagination, just like Alice in Wonderland.

I think I’m in virtual reality, surreal, unreal, so real, whatever.

Where R We?

This book successfully answered my ultimate question of” What Am I doing here exactly?”.

274 pages, and this is what I'm thinking of, and what I came up with:

We want to believe that there is some ultimate answer to end our questioning. To believe that science will come to a full stop is to crave the certainty of an ending; it is to believe that there are laws of nature that fully describe the Universe and that these laws can be found out.

Does natural selection become the ultimate law of nature?

To be concerned about mankind’s fate to the ends of time is a cover for that eternal dread: of our own mortality. We don’t worry about the early days of the Universe when we didn’t exist as humans, just as we don’t worry about our non-existence before we were born. So why are we so exercised about what might become of us in the far reaches of time, except out of a vain desire to control the fate of the Universe itself?

History comes to an end where it meets the present, the point at which the story meets the story teller. Now, are we living in the history? Or are we the story teller? We tend to find ourselves within both timeframes; undifferentiated between past, present, and the future.

It’s only a time frame; yet those are the ones that kept us “un-moved”. Doesn’t time supposed to be dynamic? If we are standing still or in our present moment, does time stop?. So, time is just an illusion?

It is predicted that the scientist who has climbed the highest peak may find “as he pulls himself over the final rock, that he’s greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries ( Robert Jastrow, physicist).

I am here

You are there

We are everything and everywhere

They are Us.

Science, art, religion, philosophy, must all eventually meet up.

The Universe, is indeed, portable.

(A Portable History of the Universe, Christopher Potter,2009)

Sustainable mindset @work

There has been a disconnection between environmental issues and sustainability at work. How many people are even aware of how much energy, water and other resources they consumed daily? Also, how many are aware of the impact of these types of consumption on biodiversity or ecosystem services or future generations?.  If, people were aware of their personal impacts on sustainability, how many would care enough, and have the necessary action skills to substantially change their consumption patterns at work?

A future community that is able and willing to make decisions about their consumption and production patterns and life style and work style choices is very much needed. The strategy should be for the whole community at work, and should address the need for community-wide re-thinking, innovation and change if we are to have fulfilling and sustainable life styles and work styles in the future. This requires not only the development of knowledge and awareness, but also values, attitudes, skills and the involvement and empowerment of individuals and groups on a large scale.

The strategy should be for a change toward environmental sustainability in the holistic sense, with an emphasis on bringing much closer together the current range of education and behaviour change initiatives on different sustainability issues. It should establish a comprehensive framework for strategic guidance and coordination of the wide range of possible learning and behaviour change programs and processes for sustainability.

These, cannot be achieved simply by information transfer and depends on a rich range of learning experiences including engagement, problem-solving and reflection, has to be achieved with long-term, intensive involvement in learning and action. Active involvement and a sense of personal responsibility and ownership –learning and action best happen together. Critical thinking--where people learn to constructively question the direction and sustainability of their lifestyles and consumption patterns and envision their preferred futures, continual improvement–responsive to changing circumstances and always looking for better ways to take action , a shared vision and goals and a cooperative, collective effort and sense of teamwork among all those involved – are very vital.

If u claimed yourself a green-collar worker, how do u work exactly?

So far out to the sea

Now I understand, how it truly feels to read this sentence: “If I can be absolutely comfortable with not knowing who I am, then what's left in me is who I am – the Being behind the human, a field of pure potentiality other than something that is already defined.”— For somehow, I feel enlightened, when I (finally) (literally) realize and know, nothing that I surely know.  

Zero.  

None.

Zilch.

Does it matter? I don’t think so. Because I don’t (literally) feel that this is a problem.

I think it’s okay.

Besides, what are we beyond our name and form? We belong to the Universe, to the earth; while they do not belong to us. We are just tiny, tiny matters compared to the Universe.

Now I (literally) understand, what this concept actually means: “We are just borrowing the earth from our children, and grandchildren, and great great grandchildren, and so on… and so they have their part too towards their children.. and the circle continues..” It is not because we want them to have the safest place to live in, that is just selfish thought (I think)-- but in fact, this place doesn’t belong to us. Though we belong to this place, but when we die, so is our form (I’m not going to talk about our souls, since I decided not to think about something that I absolutely do not know); and we will die eventually..

I am not thinking about the past

I am not thinking for the future that has not yet come

I am not thinking for short terms

I am not thinking for long terms

I am not thinking what I cannot think

I am not thinking what I do not know

I am thinking beyond, and behind my thoughts.

I am just observing.

I am thinking, to learn, not to raise another question; which I know, I won’t have the answer.

It’s like Zodiacs; to think of it as beyond psychology, beliefs, genetically matters, and history of human kind. Just to grasp the ideas.

Fascinating, really.

Now, wake up.

Dear Engineers,

Engineering education today needs to have several extents in addition to the traditional mathematics and science application skills that have been the foundation. Graduates with engineering background are expected to have not just a formal education, but it is a combination of technical knowledge gained in university courses and also management skills acquired. Through this perspective, leadership traits play a role as the channel. There again, I am talking about how important leadership is.

As environmental engineers, we have to be passionate, committed, and not just about accepting environmental challenges, but finding solutions to achieve the desired outcomes, to take a lead step and make  environmental innovation steps, or act as a pioneer in applying fundamental principles of environmental invention to engineered environmental systems. We have to face responsibilities for environmental management in ourselves, our organization, our community, our country, our living planet.

Environmental management is actually a field that encompasses a surprising array of disciplines, where wide variety of backgrounds is evident in the resumes of people engaged in environmental work. That is why, communication skill is essential. ( I myself, still find this, a bit hard).

As it said: ‘Learning about leadership and developing as a leader from critical life experiences comes from awareness of one’s own identity, personal values, beliefs and passions; leadership is a learning journey’

Unlearn to Learn

The perfection of our every “issue” is beyond our comprehension. The territory behind us and the challenges at hand were precisely crafted to deliver the wisdom and insights that will make possible the life of our dreams. 

Understand what troubles us.

We didn’t come here to face hurdle after hurdle after hurdle. One hundred years from now, it will not matter what our job was, what our degree was, or what kind of car we drove.

We are not our emotions, they are recycled energy.

I am not my emotions.

We are not our thoughts, they are recycled information.

I am not my thoughts.

Pattern of brainwaves create our thoughts, feelings and desires.

I am not living in the mind.

The mind is in me.

I am the mind.

Thoughts DO NOT become things.

So little can yield so much. A new perspective, an admission, a surrender to truth—however painful—changes everything.

Oh, wt*, go for it anyway.

. . . .

I know the day will come

When my sight of this world shall be lost

Life will take its leave in silence

Drawing the last curtain before my eyes

Yet stars will still shine at night

And mornings rise as before

And hours will still heave like sea waves

Casting up pleasures and pains

When I think of this end of my moments

The barrier of the moments breaks

And I see by the light of death

Your world with its careless treasures

Rare is its meanest of lives

Rare is its lowliest eat

Things that I longed for in vain

And things that I got—let them pass

Let me but truly possess

The things that I ever spurned and overlooked

(Rabindranath Tagore, 1913) 

A Paradoxical Perspective

On earth it seems that most people fret, worry, and lose sleep over some of the silliest things they’ve done. But what’s funny is that later on, from here, more often than not, it’s the things they didn’t do that haunt them. I’m not laughing, either.

I think people are stressing out even more not when they do not know what they want or need; it is because they know exactly, and yet still caught up with the illusion of “being safe”.The illusion of safe is guarded by the lists of “maybe”, “sometime”, “I don’t know, and the lists go on and on.

How can you know that something hasn’t worked out, unless you quit?

They say what’s really beautiful is Confidence

They say what’s really powerful is Persistence

Perhaps the most exiting realization in the world finally understands that living the life of your dreams is entirely up to you.  It’s also about the scariest.

It is said that if we can’t choose and control what we want to think, then we are in deep trouble. For the rest of our life . So the strategy here is by putting our thoughts in boxes, differentiating between positive and negative thoughts. But what happens next is by having positive and negative thoughts obviously creating unthinkable thinking arriving extreme ideas. Is there anything in between those two?

It is like when I think I have my own personal ideal concept of something (or someone), does it lead to idealism? Which the arrows will lead to high expectation, then scepticism eventually. How can one thought of positivity leads to negativity? 

All those things I thought I knew about writing, were wrong

Writing is about freedom of speech, so it should be in a state of freedom, no matter what kind of writings. Do not focus on the outline, outline is just a roadmap. Jailed. Outline is just a tool when we lose our track of mind.

Do not worry for the reader, worry for the story. It’s all about point of view, doesn’t matter where we start. Writing is hard criticism. Works best if we focus on imagination. Start with a thought of not thinking of writing, not to focus on what other people would think, rather, focus on the state of mind, focus on the freedom of thinking, not freedom of writing. Writing comes after thinking and imagination; free the imagination, free the thoughts.

Write anything we want, not necessarily have to be a happy ending, do not think of the ending, let the writing speaks to itself.   Sometimes we may be affected by our mood, we’re receptive to our imagination, sometimes we shut it out. When we know something doesn’t work, and we chuck it, the feeling is pure liberation, nearly as good as doing something right in the first place. Actually, the feeling is better because the elimination of the wrong choice fortifies the rightness of the right one. Never wed-ourselves to a piece till it’s finished and we’re satisfied that all the parts work together. Often the section we prize the most, the one we’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with, turns out to be expendable. Toss it. We’ll be deliriously happy to discover how thrilling it feels to get rid of something that doesn’t fit our story—just like life.

In the end, eventually our writing validates our lives. No topic in writing is independent of any other, and nothing is ever done with.

Good readers make good writings. Write like we read. Everyone can read. Everyone can write. So everyone can speak up their mind. What’s your method of choice? You already know what mine is.

(Unless it moves the human heart: The Craft and Art of Writing – Roger Rosenblatt)

Optimal Experience

When we have all experienced times when, instead of being buffered by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like.

Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.

It is thus something that we make happen. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves. Such experiences are not necessarily pleasant at the time they occur.

Getting control of life is never easy, and sometimes it can be definitely painful. But in the long run, optimal experiences add up to a sense of mastery, or perhaps better; a sense of participation in determining the content of life; that comes as close to what is usually meant by happiness as anything else we can conceivably imagine.

Am I going through these experiences?

Am I gonna get the optimal experience?

I think I do, I am, I will.

I am now assured.

The question is, am I gonna be able to handle this?

That, I am certain, that I am not assured.

(Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)

When words fail

Do we need more vocabulary? Verbal, non verbal, is there in between those two?

It is arguable that we are at a loss for words, there is nothing in the language, adequate to describe how empowering it is to face what we are facing, or our uncertainty about the future may be. As indicated by Glenn Albrecht; Naming is powerful. It gives a shape, substance, and legitimacy to the things we experience.

When words fail, what should we say verbally? When actions fail, what are the precautions?

Should we then invent new words to create new actions?

Should we create new actions to invent new words?

Brainwave

Less thinking equal more assuming

Minus thoughts equal plus assumptions

Which one’s better?

And they say we must stop thinking

That means thinking what we think we suppose to think

Assuming things

If I do so, then what are we?

Doesn’t anything supposed to be spontaneous?

Maybe the concept of thinking is not thinking in a way a dictionary would say

Thinking is spontaneous, gives the itch, adrenaline

Keeps us alive

Don’t argue this, not trying to point anything

Not trying to prove anything to anyone

People are shaped through their minds

And they say we shouldn’t change a thing

Is it just me or are we in an era where mankind remain unfulfilled?

Always wanting more than he can have?

Is it human nature?

It is all in the state of mind

And if the mind is jailed, then what now?

And they say true knowledge exists in knowing that we know nothing

See, the point is when we know nothing we are forced to think what is that we don’t know?

Tell me, do you think this is anomaly?

In theories, everything should be better in a state of normal

Then again, define normal??

Am I getting the wrong assumption here?

Am I getting the wrong perception here?

Everything is best to keep it simplified

Wait, is it in theories?

Wait, don’t they say to stop thinking based on theories?

It’s been this way forever

But nothing can’t last forever

It’s just all over the place. I’m doomed.

I’m sick of getting my hopes up for nothing

This is (n't) non sense

The more I want to keep things simple, the more they are (seriously) creeping my nerves out. Which part could possibly go wrong?

That may, or can be, done, happen, hypothetically feasible.

Now, then.

It might feel unlikely possible. Nevertheless impossible; yet worthy; then seems logical; then comes, subsequently, the feeling when it feels just right.

Shaped perfectly. Dead-on.

Unsuitably right.

It might feel feasibly unthinkable, may be exist, be true. Improbable. Hopeful. Doomed.

Vision or mission impossible?

What are the chances?

The odds?

It might appear as if I am slightly crazy, as if I my brain only functions on particular issues.

My brain has to take a break. Those thoughts have to be captivated. Or freed?

Peculiar.

Why is everything has to be so ironic?

So vanilla.

I am not complaining, I am just writing.

I say what I want to say.

Some things are better off don’t say. Hushed.

I give exactly what I am given.

Not blaming anything, anyone, nor myself.

Learning to cope with the state when one of those moments comes. Those shitty moments.

Like now.

Intensely annoying.

Don’t know how to react, fight back.

Never get it right.

Where is the privilege?

What is the justification?

Dear universe, please give me your hopes, faith, luck and love.

Need more than just possibilities.

Chuck out those shadows.

Ignore me, and I’ll leave you.

Do(n’t).

Yin and Yang

Women will say: “It’s the cheese, but it’s not the cheese” Then Men will say: “What the hell do you want Woman?” Truth is, it is an interesting question for us also, since mostly we, Women, do not know what we want. We hate drama, but the fact is Women create drama, like it or not. It’s just like a never ending story between Woman and her craziness, and the art of a silent Man, or An inconsistent Woman, and a confused Man—funnily quoted by J.Morris & Jenny Lee (who I found truly amazing, they are partners and they wrote this ridiculously intrigued book about Men and Women!—Women are crazy, and Men are stupid)

So what is the gap? Is it the gender equality factor? Is it because  Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars? (never read this book though). Orrr… as they say that Women tend to use their feelings rather their logic; whilst Men mainly use their logic. I don’t necessarily agree with this. Men do cry, and Women do think and use their rationality often (too often in my case, haha). Though I gotta admit that Women well..maybe cry a little bit more frequently and quite easy, sometimes habitually. Okay, we do cry effortlessly. Even just by seeing a part of movie act, such as Titanic (call me cheesy, but I cried like a baby), or a song lyric (moved by Secret Garden-Bruce Springstein’s). There are moments when feelings beat logic, or logic beats feelings. It works both ways, so I think no need to argue about this particular signify.

Then why we don’t have a book called “Man who love too much?”, yet we have, lots of books about “Women who give too much”, or “Women who love too much”, --you name it. Probably because Women are not afraid to express their feelings. There again, back to the “sensitive” part again, when Women cry a bit easier than Men (okay, a lot easier). Perhaps it is also the “motherhood” sense that God gave Women, where Women have to be able to cope with all the phase of motherhood, from giving birth, to raising the child. I’ve always been curious of what it will be like to give a birth to my own blood. The father’s job is to take care of his family, to guard his family. So do Men to Women. It is their job to protect us, guide us. It’s not that we are not capable to take care of ourselves, but we do need someone to be our pilot. That is God’s will. Men are physically stronger than Women (scientifically proven), so enough said. But the tricky part is when Women start to feel too comfort, too secure; then there goes the part when Women can be terrified of being abandoned, then.. Women will do anything to keep the relationship from dissolving, and Women will be addicted to emotional issues, unfortunately. (this is not scientifically proven, but 100% true, “the need-to be needed factor”).

I am not saying that Women and Men have the same feelings, or so. If that so, then why God create us to be a pair? To match each other? It is the Yin and Yang factor, I think. Doesn’t matter which one is the black one, or the white one. It’s just a colour to differentiate. It’s how we know, able, and successfully understand about her-or-him. We live to compromise, we have to compromise. No need to debate about the gender. Even “non-straight” people still, do have issues. So, compromise, accept the circumstances. We all have our own concerns.

We are all, every one of us, full of horror.

If you are getting married to make yours go away, you will only succeed in marrying your horror to someone else’s horror.

Your two horrors will have the marriage; you will bleed and call that love

-Michael Ventura “Shadow Dancing in the Marriage Zone”

A real Superman is not afraid to stand next to a Superwoman!, and together they’ll stroke the world. Though I am not a Superwoman, but I want to be a Superwoman to my family, one day J (ngayal)

Talking to myself

I over analyzed things, every single things

Speed and caught with my own thoughts

Whizz through my history

I crammed with good musics

Amazing concerts

Crazy local bars

Absurd books

Inspiring people

Comics

Cats

Pizza

Ice creams

Horror movies

Mimco

Friends series


I hate to fly, but I’m deeply in love with airports

I get sea-sick easily, but I’m freakin’ly in love with beach and the sea

I hate heights, but I wish I can stay at the top of the cloud

As I was a child, I don’t want to be like my Mom,but I'm exactly like her

I have a personal confidence issue, yet I want to be a teacher

My communication sucks, but I kept saying that communication is the key to everything

I get bored easily, but my favourite place is library and a class listening to a teacher

At times I have insomnia, but I sleep easily. too easy

Sometimes I’m a million colours, sometimes I’m black and white

I’m not girly-type of woman. I don’t have make up. But my third fav colour is pink

I don’t like to be noticed, but I want to be different

I’m careless, reckless, but I’d do anything to my loved ones. Anything

Anything can boost me up randomly, even just by looking at a cover of a book

Even the unthinkable one

I want to be a scientist; I don’t know if I am one or is it just me being fake?

I filled with self-belief, haunted by self-doubt

I know exactly what I want to be, I don’t know what I want to do the next hour

I don’t care about people, but I would never wound someone’s feelings, no matter how downright aggressive they might be

I tend to over react, but mostly I am as quite as it can be

I like to be by myself, I hate to be alone

I don’t want to talk about marriage, yet I can’t stop picturing myself playing cats with my kids

Drinking beers with my husband at the couch watching friends until the dvd player blows up

Hate to cook, can’t cook, but have an idea of making the best dish ever to my family

I just want to take daring leaps, inspiring another people

My ultimate dreams are:

To be the a researcher of the unthinkable one, to make a difference, something I can give to the environment

To travel around the world

To see all big music festivals around the world, just to feel the euphoria, I don’t care about the type of music they’re playing

To have a petshop

To be a perfect Mom to my kids (if there is a term “perfect Mom”, well at least close to-)

To be a best friend, a wife, girlfriend to my husband

Make my parents proud, just by successfully being myself

This is hard, no?

Wait, this is not a dream, this is what I want to do

Wait, is it?

See, here I go again making no sense

U think this is my insecurity?

U think this is pitiful?

No

I think it’s called human

This is just me being myself

I've got all the answers

I've got nothing figured out

When I thought I know about everything

I don’t know shit about a thing

Sometimes I'm not sure who I am

But who is?

Enlight me

--Please don't like me less