11.9.11

Yin and Yang

Women will say: “It’s the cheese, but it’s not the cheese” Then Men will say: “What the hell do you want Woman?” Truth is, it is an interesting question for us also, since mostly we, Women, do not know what we want. We hate drama, but the fact is Women create drama, like it or not. It’s just like a never ending story between Woman and her craziness, and the art of a silent Man, or An inconsistent Woman, and a confused Man—funnily quoted by J.Morris & Jenny Lee (who I found truly amazing, they are partners and they wrote this ridiculously intrigued book about Men and Women!—Women are crazy, and Men are stupid)

So what is the gap? Is it the gender equality factor? Is it because  Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars? (never read this book though). Orrr… as they say that Women tend to use their feelings rather their logic; whilst Men mainly use their logic. I don’t necessarily agree with this. Men do cry, and Women do think and use their rationality often (too often in my case, haha). Though I gotta admit that Women well..maybe cry a little bit more frequently and quite easy, sometimes habitually. Okay, we do cry effortlessly. Even just by seeing a part of movie act, such as Titanic (call me cheesy, but I cried like a baby), or a song lyric (moved by Secret Garden-Bruce Springstein’s). There are moments when feelings beat logic, or logic beats feelings. It works both ways, so I think no need to argue about this particular signify.

Then why we don’t have a book called “Man who love too much?”, yet we have, lots of books about “Women who give too much”, or “Women who love too much”, --you name it. Probably because Women are not afraid to express their feelings. There again, back to the “sensitive” part again, when Women cry a bit easier than Men (okay, a lot easier). Perhaps it is also the “motherhood” sense that God gave Women, where Women have to be able to cope with all the phase of motherhood, from giving birth, to raising the child. I’ve always been curious of what it will be like to give a birth to my own blood. The father’s job is to take care of his family, to guard his family. So do Men to Women. It is their job to protect us, guide us. It’s not that we are not capable to take care of ourselves, but we do need someone to be our pilot. That is God’s will. Men are physically stronger than Women (scientifically proven), so enough said. But the tricky part is when Women start to feel too comfort, too secure; then there goes the part when Women can be terrified of being abandoned, then.. Women will do anything to keep the relationship from dissolving, and Women will be addicted to emotional issues, unfortunately. (this is not scientifically proven, but 100% true, “the need-to be needed factor”).

I am not saying that Women and Men have the same feelings, or so. If that so, then why God create us to be a pair? To match each other? It is the Yin and Yang factor, I think. Doesn’t matter which one is the black one, or the white one. It’s just a colour to differentiate. It’s how we know, able, and successfully understand about her-or-him. We live to compromise, we have to compromise. No need to debate about the gender. Even “non-straight” people still, do have issues. So, compromise, accept the circumstances. We all have our own concerns.

We are all, every one of us, full of horror.
If you are getting married to make yours go away, you will only succeed in marrying your horror to someone else’s horror.
Your two horrors will have the marriage; you will bleed and call that love
-Michael Ventura “Shadow Dancing in the Marriage Zone”

A real Superman is not afraid to stand next to a Superwoman!, and together they’ll stroke the world. Though I am not a Superwoman, but I want to be a Superwoman to my family, one day J (ngayal)

7.9.11

Talking to myself

I over analyzed things, every single things
Speed and caught with my own thoughts
Whizz through my history

I crammed with good musics
Amazing concerts
Crazy local bars
Absurd books
Inspiring people
Comics
Cats
Pizza
Ice creams
Horror movies
Mimco
Friends series


I hate to fly, but I’m deeply in love with airports
I get sea-sick easily, but I’m freakin’ly in love with beach and the sea
I hate heights, but I wish I can stay at the top of the cloud
As I was a child, I don’t want to be like my Mom,but I'm exactly like her
I have a personal confidence issue, yet I want to be a teacher
My communication sucks, but I kept saying that communication is the key to everything
I get bored easily, but my favourite place is library and a class listening to a teacher
At times I have insomnia, but I sleep easily. too easy
Sometimes I’m a million colours, sometimes I’m black and white
I’m not girly-type of woman. I don’t have make up. But my third fav colour is pink
I don’t like to be noticed, but I want to be different
I’m careless, reckless, but I’d do anything to my loved ones. Anything


Anything can boost me up randomly, even just by looking at a cover of a book
Even the unthinkable one
I want to be a scientist; I don’t know if I am one or is it just me being fake?
I filled with self-belief, haunted by self-doubt
I know exactly what I want to be, I don’t know what I want to do the next hour
I don’t care about people, but I would never wound someone’s feelings, no matter how downright aggressive they might be
I tend to over react, but mostly I am as quite as it can be
I like to be by myself, I hate to be alone
I don’t want to talk about marriage, yet I can’t stop picturing myself playing cats with my kids
Drinking beers with my husband at the couch watching friends until the dvd player blows up
Hate to cook, can’t cook, but have an idea of making the best dish ever to my family

I just want to take daring leaps, inspiring another people

My ultimate dreams are:
To be the a researcher of the unthinkable one, to make a difference, something I can give to the environment
To travel around the world
To see all big music festivals around the world, just to feel the euphoria, I don’t care about the type of music they’re playing
To have a petshop
To be a perfect Mom to my kids (if there is a term “perfect Mom”, well at least close to-)
To be a best friend, a wife, girlfriend to my husband
Make my parents proud, just by successfully being myself

This is hard, no?
Wait, this is not a dream, this is what I want to do
Wait, is it?
See, here I go again making no sense

U think this is my insecurity?
U think this is pitiful?
No
I think it’s called human
This is just me being myself

I've got all the answers
I've got nothing figured out
When I thought I know about everything
I don’t know shit about a thing

Sometimes I'm not sure who I am
But who is?

Enlight me

--Please don't like me less

31.8.11

Q vs A

Do we have to have the question in order to get the answers? What is an answer anyway without a question? Do they equally matter? Or the question itself matters the most?

It has been argued that it is an unidentified sign, what so called. How we make meaning of the process is what matters. Questions, more often, are answered with more questions.

But do we (unconsciously) get the question from the answers that we want to hear instead? Again, for most people, yes, the validation factors. But not if we keep an open mind and sincere heart. What’s important is the “seeking”, not the “finding”.

So the challenge will be, how to differentiate between what we want to find, and what we want to seek? I do not have the answer. There is no exact answer to this particular question. It is proven that question arises more question. From there, we (might) find the answer.

Thank you, Ka Ina, you are truly my inspiration J