Beyond Beautiful

We are living in the era of modernization, an era of freedom speech, overwhelmed by social media buzz, everyday campaign of gender-balance, a full public support for female empowerment and diversity, and war against gender stereotypes. The world has changed drastically, yet women today are still no less self-conscious about the way they look than they’ve always been. Why? Because we are confronted and exposed with the media of beauty blast – commercial TVs, social medias, you name it. We live in a looks-obsessed society. The more and longer skincare routines we put into effort, the more time we spend on the mirror every morning for makeup routine the better we’ll be.

Our insecurities aren’t a natural consequence of our appearance, and not integral part of who we are. All those inner voices judging the “beauty standard” are not really our inner voice. It’s the product of years of socialization from a very brutal culture.

Many of us still feel that how we fell about they way we look has become the deciding factor for how we feel about ourselves. For those days of – bad-hair-day – and days when we don’t feel that we look good, we automatically feel defeated, totally neglecting our other accomplishments. 

Your body does not define you.

Your makeup does not define you.

Your skin color does not define you.

Your clothes do not define you.

“Self esteem isn’t everything, it’s just that there’s nothing without it.”

“I’m intelligent, I’m feminist, and I know that society’s beauty ideal is B.S. So why do I still care so much about what I look like?.”

Beyond Beautiful – Rees, Anuschka

Dear God (and Spirit),

I pray to keep my vision ever before me.

I ask you to bless my journey.

I ask your divine helpers to protect me along the way.

I ask my inner guides to lead me forward.

I pray to the soul that is within, without, and everywhere,

That I may know myself as holy, and as whole.

To give me clarity in mind and heart.

Release me from my confusion, which is born of the past.

Let me be renewed in your ways.

Let me hear the voice of silence.

Let me see what cannot be seen.

Let me feel your faintest touch.

Take this stiffness from my heart.

This is all I want or have ever wanted.

Make a secret pact with me.

Let someone in my life feel your touch, as I feel it myself.

I ask you to take your hand in mine.

I have seen this world through your eyes.

I have loved others as you would love them.

I have entered creation and played to my heart’s content.

Breathe in me, today, tomorrow, until my body dies.

Amen.

--Deepak Chopra’s--

Where R We?

This book successfully answered my ultimate question of” What Am I doing here exactly?”.

274 pages, and this is what I'm thinking of, and what I came up with:

We want to believe that there is some ultimate answer to end our questioning. To believe that science will come to a full stop is to crave the certainty of an ending; it is to believe that there are laws of nature that fully describe the Universe and that these laws can be found out.

Does natural selection become the ultimate law of nature?

To be concerned about mankind’s fate to the ends of time is a cover for that eternal dread: of our own mortality. We don’t worry about the early days of the Universe when we didn’t exist as humans, just as we don’t worry about our non-existence before we were born. So why are we so exercised about what might become of us in the far reaches of time, except out of a vain desire to control the fate of the Universe itself?

History comes to an end where it meets the present, the point at which the story meets the story teller. Now, are we living in the history? Or are we the story teller? We tend to find ourselves within both timeframes; undifferentiated between past, present, and the future.

It’s only a time frame; yet those are the ones that kept us “un-moved”. Doesn’t time supposed to be dynamic? If we are standing still or in our present moment, does time stop?. So, time is just an illusion?

It is predicted that the scientist who has climbed the highest peak may find “as he pulls himself over the final rock, that he’s greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries ( Robert Jastrow, physicist).

I am here

You are there

We are everything and everywhere

They are Us.

Science, art, religion, philosophy, must all eventually meet up.

The Universe, is indeed, portable.

(A Portable History of the Universe, Christopher Potter,2009)

. . . .

I know the day will come

When my sight of this world shall be lost

Life will take its leave in silence

Drawing the last curtain before my eyes

Yet stars will still shine at night

And mornings rise as before

And hours will still heave like sea waves

Casting up pleasures and pains

When I think of this end of my moments

The barrier of the moments breaks

And I see by the light of death

Your world with its careless treasures

Rare is its meanest of lives

Rare is its lowliest eat

Things that I longed for in vain

And things that I got—let them pass

Let me but truly possess

The things that I ever spurned and overlooked

(Rabindranath Tagore, 1913) 

All those things I thought I knew about writing, were wrong

Writing is about freedom of speech, so it should be in a state of freedom, no matter what kind of writings. Do not focus on the outline, outline is just a roadmap. Jailed. Outline is just a tool when we lose our track of mind.

Do not worry for the reader, worry for the story. It’s all about point of view, doesn’t matter where we start. Writing is hard criticism. Works best if we focus on imagination. Start with a thought of not thinking of writing, not to focus on what other people would think, rather, focus on the state of mind, focus on the freedom of thinking, not freedom of writing. Writing comes after thinking and imagination; free the imagination, free the thoughts.

Write anything we want, not necessarily have to be a happy ending, do not think of the ending, let the writing speaks to itself.   Sometimes we may be affected by our mood, we’re receptive to our imagination, sometimes we shut it out. When we know something doesn’t work, and we chuck it, the feeling is pure liberation, nearly as good as doing something right in the first place. Actually, the feeling is better because the elimination of the wrong choice fortifies the rightness of the right one. Never wed-ourselves to a piece till it’s finished and we’re satisfied that all the parts work together. Often the section we prize the most, the one we’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with, turns out to be expendable. Toss it. We’ll be deliriously happy to discover how thrilling it feels to get rid of something that doesn’t fit our story—just like life.

In the end, eventually our writing validates our lives. No topic in writing is independent of any other, and nothing is ever done with.

Good readers make good writings. Write like we read. Everyone can read. Everyone can write. So everyone can speak up their mind. What’s your method of choice? You already know what mine is.

(Unless it moves the human heart: The Craft and Art of Writing – Roger Rosenblatt)

Optimal Experience

When we have all experienced times when, instead of being buffered by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like.

Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.

It is thus something that we make happen. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves. Such experiences are not necessarily pleasant at the time they occur.

Getting control of life is never easy, and sometimes it can be definitely painful. But in the long run, optimal experiences add up to a sense of mastery, or perhaps better; a sense of participation in determining the content of life; that comes as close to what is usually meant by happiness as anything else we can conceivably imagine.

Am I going through these experiences?

Am I gonna get the optimal experience?

I think I do, I am, I will.

I am now assured.

The question is, am I gonna be able to handle this?

That, I am certain, that I am not assured.

(Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)

When words fail

Do we need more vocabulary? Verbal, non verbal, is there in between those two?

It is arguable that we are at a loss for words, there is nothing in the language, adequate to describe how empowering it is to face what we are facing, or our uncertainty about the future may be. As indicated by Glenn Albrecht; Naming is powerful. It gives a shape, substance, and legitimacy to the things we experience.

When words fail, what should we say verbally? When actions fail, what are the precautions?

Should we then invent new words to create new actions?

Should we create new actions to invent new words?

Yin and Yang

Women will say: “It’s the cheese, but it’s not the cheese” Then Men will say: “What the hell do you want Woman?” Truth is, it is an interesting question for us also, since mostly we, Women, do not know what we want. We hate drama, but the fact is Women create drama, like it or not. It’s just like a never ending story between Woman and her craziness, and the art of a silent Man, or An inconsistent Woman, and a confused Man—funnily quoted by J.Morris & Jenny Lee (who I found truly amazing, they are partners and they wrote this ridiculously intrigued book about Men and Women!—Women are crazy, and Men are stupid)

So what is the gap? Is it the gender equality factor? Is it because  Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars? (never read this book though). Orrr… as they say that Women tend to use their feelings rather their logic; whilst Men mainly use their logic. I don’t necessarily agree with this. Men do cry, and Women do think and use their rationality often (too often in my case, haha). Though I gotta admit that Women well..maybe cry a little bit more frequently and quite easy, sometimes habitually. Okay, we do cry effortlessly. Even just by seeing a part of movie act, such as Titanic (call me cheesy, but I cried like a baby), or a song lyric (moved by Secret Garden-Bruce Springstein’s). There are moments when feelings beat logic, or logic beats feelings. It works both ways, so I think no need to argue about this particular signify.

Then why we don’t have a book called “Man who love too much?”, yet we have, lots of books about “Women who give too much”, or “Women who love too much”, --you name it. Probably because Women are not afraid to express their feelings. There again, back to the “sensitive” part again, when Women cry a bit easier than Men (okay, a lot easier). Perhaps it is also the “motherhood” sense that God gave Women, where Women have to be able to cope with all the phase of motherhood, from giving birth, to raising the child. I’ve always been curious of what it will be like to give a birth to my own blood. The father’s job is to take care of his family, to guard his family. So do Men to Women. It is their job to protect us, guide us. It’s not that we are not capable to take care of ourselves, but we do need someone to be our pilot. That is God’s will. Men are physically stronger than Women (scientifically proven), so enough said. But the tricky part is when Women start to feel too comfort, too secure; then there goes the part when Women can be terrified of being abandoned, then.. Women will do anything to keep the relationship from dissolving, and Women will be addicted to emotional issues, unfortunately. (this is not scientifically proven, but 100% true, “the need-to be needed factor”).

I am not saying that Women and Men have the same feelings, or so. If that so, then why God create us to be a pair? To match each other? It is the Yin and Yang factor, I think. Doesn’t matter which one is the black one, or the white one. It’s just a colour to differentiate. It’s how we know, able, and successfully understand about her-or-him. We live to compromise, we have to compromise. No need to debate about the gender. Even “non-straight” people still, do have issues. So, compromise, accept the circumstances. We all have our own concerns.

We are all, every one of us, full of horror.

If you are getting married to make yours go away, you will only succeed in marrying your horror to someone else’s horror.

Your two horrors will have the marriage; you will bleed and call that love

-Michael Ventura “Shadow Dancing in the Marriage Zone”

A real Superman is not afraid to stand next to a Superwoman!, and together they’ll stroke the world. Though I am not a Superwoman, but I want to be a Superwoman to my family, one day J (ngayal)

//Letters to a Young Poet//

You are so young, and have not even started, and I want to beg you, as strongly as I can

Dear Sir, to be patient with all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

--Rainer Maria Rilke

THE DEVELOPMENT SET

Excuse me, friends, I must catch my jet

I’m off to join the Development Set;

My bags are packed, and I’ve had all my shots

I have traveller’s checks and pills for the trots!

The Development Set is bright and noble

Our thoughts are deep and our vision global;

Although we move with the better classes

Our thoughts are always with the masses.

In Sheraton Hotels in scattered nations

We damn multi-national corporations;

Injustice seems easy to protest

In such seething hotbeds of social rest.

We discuss malnutrition over steaks

And plan hunger talks during coffee breaks.

Whether Asian floods or African drought,

We face each issue with open mouth.

We bring in consultants whose circumlocution

Raises difficulties for every solution –

Thus guaranteeing continued good eating

By showing the need for another meeting.

The language of the Development Set

Stretches the English alphabet;

We use swell words like “epigenetic”

“Micro”, “macro”, and “logarithmetic”

It pleasures us to be esoteric –

It’s so intellectually atmospheric!

And although establishments may be unmoved,

Our vocabularies are much improved.

When the talk gets deep and you’re feeling numb,

You can keep your shame to a minimum:

To show that you, too, are intelligent

Smugly ask, “Is it really development?”

Or say, “That’s fine in practice, but don’t you see:

It doesn’t work out in theory!”

A few may find this incomprehensible,

But most will admire you as deep and sensible.

Development set homes is extremely chic,

Full of carvings, curios, and draped with batik.

Eye-level photographs subtly assure

That your host is at home with the great and the poor.

Enough of these verses – on with the mission!

Our task is as broad as the human condition!

Just pray god the biblical promise is true:

The poor ye shall always have with you.

“Adult Education and Development” September 1976

Ross Coggins

Walk the Talk

“People are no longer satisfied only with declarations. They demand firm action and concrete results. They expect that the nations of the world, having identified a problem, will have the vitality to act.” –Swedish Prime Minister, 1972

Enough Said.

Which type of cat are you?

--The Avoiding Cat--
"The avoiding cat plays games in her mind. If she needs to clean her fur, she hunts. If she needs to fill her belly, she sleeps. If she needs to explore her territory, she toys with a leaf. Her actions are often spirited, though misdirected. The avoiding cat is fear-filled. She has more comfort working with diligence on a different task, than facing her fear of the task at paw. If she fears she will hunt without success, she will do any other thing to avoid that failure. The longer she avoids, the more fear she builds, and the hungrier she'll get. The hunger will weaken her, and that will increase her fear, keeping her evermore from the hunt. The avoiding cat is not weak, lazy or inadequate, rather is afraid. To help herself, she must face her fear and do her tasks anyway. This is effortless to say, but difficult to do. Yet she must, as only clawing at fear can diminish it."

--The Heroic Cat--
" It is said that to find eternity, a cat must be heroic. The heroic cat cares for others as she cares for herself. She treats others with respect and kindness. Some think heroism is defined by courageous deeds. it can be. But it is also in a life well lived. The heroic cat will hunt for you when you are sick or injured. She will protect your kittens when you are using the sand. She will share her den if you are caught in cold winds. She will groom you, and make you purrr. The heroic cat does not trespass on your territory, leave scent in your spaces, or hunt your creatures. The heroic cat is she whom every cat should long to be."

--The Holding Cat--
"The holding cat has difficulty to let go. When summer approaches, he does not shed. he holds on to his winter coat, his appearance disheveled and unkempt. The heat of his unshed fur makes him clumsy and artless when he hunts. He sleeps fitfully, too warm to find release. His territory resembles his coat, with bits of bone,fur, and feathers around his den. His trails are overgrown and slow him when he runs. The holding cat clings to things that do not serve him. He may think this keeps him safe, for other cats rarely invade the territory of a holding cat. But when it is time to mate, the females do not answer his call. They do not want his messy coat near their gleaming fur. In this way, the holding cat hides from the rest of the world, never demanding of himself his obligations to the community. The thing he hoards have little meaning. The fur that covers him gives little pleasure. The holding cat holds only illusions."

--The Aspiring Cat--
"The aspiring cat wants more than an ordinary life. When others hunt mice, she hunts rats.When others settle for nesting chicks, she hunts birds on the wing. When others are pleased with a fish washed onto shore, she immerses herself in the stream. The aspiring cat dreams for her kittens, as well as herself. She teaches them to desire for themselves. The aspiring cat is rare. Most cats are content to fill their bellies, create litters, and defend their territories, but the aspiring cat wants more. She does not do these things out of greed or to humble those around her. It is a need deep within her heart. She is true to herself when she shows her ambitions. Her dreams can take many forms. She can be the best hunter, the most nurturing mother, the most popular mate, the greatest climber, the most diligent protector, or the wisest Mouser. If you are an aspiring cat, do not fight your dreams."

--The Enlightened Cat--
"You can live your life in ordinary ways. You will exist, you will eat and sleep and mate and die, and never quest for more. There is nothing wrong with this, as it is your choice to make. but some cats will embark on a journey. They do not have to travel a wall, or even wander from their territory. Journeys can take many forms. The enlightened cat sees the world and all other cats as her teachers, and she learns from each. She discovers the prized role of question and the ephemeral role of answers. She asks, and seeks, and quests, and maybe if she is open enough, she walks the path to enlightenment. if she reaches this state, she can let it all go--teaching as she was taught, divining new questions, and creating new journeys for those who sit avid in her shadow. The enlightened cat is a Mouser. You have the potential to be a Mouser, if that is the path you seek. This is the journey I have made, and I invite you now to follow."



From the greatest and most unique book my Mom ever gave me (The Wisdom of Yo Meow Ma, Joanna Sandsmark)

Another Aha! moment

An interesting analysis I read on an article. Keep buzzing on my mind.----------

“We're not driven only by emotions, of course; we also reason, deliberate. But reasoning comes later, works slower; and even then, it doesn't take place in an emotional vacuum. Rather, our quick-fire emotions can set us on a course of thinking that's highly biased, especially on topics we care a great deal about.”

When we think we're reasoning, we may instead be rationalizing. Or to use an analogy: We may think we're being scientists, but we're actually being lawyers. Our "reasoning" is a means to a predetermined end—winning our "case"; and is shot through with biases. They include "confirmation bias," in which we give greater heed to evidence and arguments that bolster our beliefs, and "disconfirmation bias," in which we expend disproportionate energy trying to debunk or refute views and arguments that we find uncongenial.

That's a lot of jargon, but we all understand these mechanisms when it comes to interpersonal relationships. If I don't want to believe that my spouse is being unfaithful, or that my child is a bully, I can go to great lengths to explain away behaviour that seems obvious to everybody else—everybody who isn't too emotionally invested to accept it, anyway. That's not to suggest that we aren't also motivated to perceive the world accurately—we are. Or that we never change our minds—we do. It's just that we have other important goals besides accuracy—including identity affirmation and protecting one's sense of self—and often those make us highly resistant to changing our beliefs when the facts say we should.

--Chris Mooney, 2011—

Mother Jones, May/June 2011 edition—Politics, Science

Be Somebody

Maestro, katanya artinya adalah mereka yang berhasil menoreh ‘warna’ dalam dunianya. Dia dedicated, setia pada profesinya. Apakah dia penyanyi, apakah dia pelukis, pemahat, pematung, seniman besar, ilmuwan dll dll dll

Dia bukan sekedar ‘tukang’, mengerjakan keahliannya hanya sebatas teknis. Meskipun hal teknis itu untuk mencari nafkah sehingga ia setia pada profesinya, dan menjadi professional, tapi kalau tukang seperti itu, dia bukanlah seorang maestro. Dia Cuma tukang yang bertahan hidup dengan keahliannya.

Dia bukan sekedar tukang pemain sinetron, dia bukan tukang melukis, tukang mencipta lagu, tukang politik, tukang mengajar, tukang meneliti, tukang mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah tangga.

Be somebody.

Somebody yang dedicated kembali pada esensi pekerjaan. Artinya, kualitas bukan kuantitas. Be somebody yang mencipta, bukan meniru. Be somebody yang karyanya membuat orang mengenali apa yang dimilikinya, meskipun sederhana, namun mampu menyumbangkan sesuatu kepada dunia. Apakah itu lukisan, apakah itu lagu, apakah itu seni peran, apakah itu talenta suara, apakah itu hasil studi, tulisan yang dll dll

Be somebody .

Somebody yang maestro.

Somebody yang pioneer.

Somebody yang jadi panutan.

Somebody yang unik.

Somebody yang special.

Uang? Kemasyhuran? Datang dengan sendirinya, bukan tujuan utama.

Bisa internasional. Bisa nasional. Bisa local saja. Bisa di lingkungan keluarga saja. Bisa tidak dikenal siapa-siapa. Tetapi, jelas TUHAN pasti tahu itu, dan hadiah paling istimewa akan diperolehnya, NANTI, KELAK.

ADILUHUNG,

Itu konon katanya hasil karya mereka yang maestro.

Bukan yang rumit, malah yang sederhana.

Sederhana tetapi bukan ala kadarnya. Sederhana, bukan ‘Cuma segitu saja’. Karena, sederhana yang concise, matang, membuat orang berpikir, terpana, menyadari sesudahnya, dan kagum.

Meskipun akhirnya ia tidak pernah dikagumi. Tidak pernah dikenal. Tapi, dalam hidupnya, ia sukses besar.

Dengar, nak.

Kadang itu tidak bisa diikuti dengan kemasyhuran, karena waktu terlalu pendek. Karya maestro adalah karya seumur hidup, cerminan perjalanan panjang kehidupan sang somebody. Dia berusaha berbuat sebaik-baiknya.

Padahal, kalau masyhur yang mau dikedepankan, strateginya beda. Cari jabatan dulu, cari posisi dulu biar orang lihat aku adalah somebody, baru tunjukkan karya. Aku bikin partai dulu, biar orang dengar aku, dan tahu aku adalah somebody yang bersih tidak korupsi, mengedepankan kepentingan rakyat. Salahkah? Mungkin tidak.

Tapi, esensinya adalah bahwa sang maestro mungkin saja datang tidak melalui jalur itu. Ia menoreh tapak dibelakangnya dengan keberanian berproses dengan sederhana, konsisten. 

Kalau dia pendidik, dia konsisten menunjukkan value pendidiknya.

Kalau dia peneliti, dia mengajarkan nilai kualitas hasil dan kejujuran, bahwa hasil harus dinikmati beneficiary.

Kalau dia artis sejati, dia bermain dengan prima, bukan untuk cari uang sebanyak-banyaknya.

Siapapun kita, di mata Tuhan, somebody yang terbaik adalah dia yang sepanjang hidup berproses dalam nilai yang diridhoiNya. Ya kan? Nilai itu mungkin saja hanya terlihat, tidak menjadikannya termasyhur. Mengajarkan pada masyarakat dengan nilai yang diikuti individu ternyata tidak mudah. Kita maunya serba instant. Akhirnya kita disetir oleh hedonisme. Yang mudah terlihat. Apa? Kaya, sukses, termasyhur, disegani, berkuasa, banyak hasil karyanya meskipun tidak prima.

Katanya yang bagus: “sedikit tetapi terkuasai, lebih baik. Sedikit tetapi bermanfaat, lebih baik lagi. Sedikit tetapi berkualitas, engkau adalah somebody.”

Lalu, kita ini apa? Siapa?

Kita semua pada umumnya adalah tukang.

Tukang mendidik, tukang mengajar, tukang meneliti, tukang bikin program studi biar banyak mahasiswa dan banyak pemasukan, tukang cari uang (meskipun wajib cari nafkah menghidupi keluarga), tukang menyanyi, tukang main sinetron, tukang melukis, tukang politik, tukang memimpin, tukang ibu rumah tangga!!! Kamu mungkin tukang mahasiswa, asal lulus dapat gelar selesai.

Aku siapa?

Aku masih level tukang.

Sebagai pendidik, pengajar. Sebagai peneliti. Sebagai ibu rumah tangga. Sebagai istri. Sebagai hamba Allah.

Aku sangat tidak professional.

Aku bukan maestro.

Aku belum jadi somebody.

Apa yang harus kulakukan?

Berusaha. Konsisten. Berjuang.

Maju tapi tetap tawadu. Mampukah aku? Jelasnya sih lupaaaa melulu, tidak kenal diri sendiri

Ternyata syusyahhhhhhhhhhhh, nak.

Tapi selama ada harapan, di situ ada peluang. Tuhan masih memberi umur dan kesehatan.

So, wake up. Be somebody.

----Dedicated from my teacher, my inspiration, my Mother.

The truth about choice

For years, I put my low self esteem and odd behaviour down to every excuse. In reality, though, I made the choice to feel and behave as I did.

Like it or not, how we feel isn’t controlled by others or by events. We are not the physical or psychological slave of our parents, boyfriends/girlfriends, boss, or anyone else, unless we choose to be. We have complete control over what we think,feel, and do.

Everyday we make conscious decisions. Shall I drink this? should I take that job? etc. Eventually we come to a decision, "yes" or "no". We must then live with the results, like it or not. All the events and circumstances of our life come as a result of the choices and decisions we make.

There is no such thing as luck, chance, or coincidence. We always choose. No one do it to us unless we choose to let them. If you’d like to know what choices you have made, look at yourself and the life that you have lived. What you see is the result.

No one can hurt you without your permission.

The Valley of Confusion

Interesting issues to think about :)

"The whole world has gone mad, or is it just me??"

At least that’s what you’ll be told to, or I’ll be told to. We are told by the therapy world that we are no longer dissatisfied with our lives, even dysfunctional! like the effect of psychological science, broken marriages, rising suicides, worries about health, dying, general anxiety and depression.

The most natural thing in the world is for our mind to believe in something. Our beliefs control our behaviour, they motivate us and shape what we will and will not do. When we believe in something, we act as if it were true, such as there is God, etc.

The power behind anything that I do in life lies in my beliefs, it is THEY that command me. I create my reality according to my beliefs, and I make my own world, there are no limitations to the self except those which I believe in.